Saturday, August 1, 2015

nod your head

"things don't have to be exceptional for them to be good."
- hank green

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

for shame


*blows dust off this place*

hello, my teenage diary! HOW ARE YOU I'M FINE THANK YOU AND YOU???

oh my goodness it has been so long since i've written anything substantial here i am really an embarrassment to my 15 year old self. hey old me, young me is very disappointed in you. very, very disappointed.

i feel like so much has happened in the past year and yet, nothing at all. ah life. ain't you funny.

this is a space filler of a post until i find the gumption in me to upload all the photos i've taken in the non-events and yes-events of my life and then write about it for posterity. old me needs to note stuff down for older me. come on, me. COME ON.


Saturday, June 20, 2015

the answer is

我想我还是怕 
一个人的惩罚 

 对那些假面的微笑 
我可以继续吗?

Thursday, June 18, 2015

to hell with you

today, i feel miniscule. and i both want to eternally forget it and always remember it. thanks for the sock in the gut. really, thanks.

Monday, April 27, 2015

it's a t r a p


who
when
where
how

what
do
i
have
to
do


Monday, April 6, 2015

cue the sun

a couple of times a year, i get the chance to spend extended periods of time with people a lot, a lot younger than me. when this first started, it was just one singular 'a lot'. it's now progressed to strict double 'a lot' category, and will soon move to an infinite amount of 'a lots'.

anyway. i was saying.

i get to hang out with these kids 10-ish years younger than me, and really, they're not kids anymore. i feel like i should be swaddling them and changing their nappies but they're actually fully functioning and cognizant humans with thoughts and feelings and emotions and relationships (oh, the relationships. young love, ya know?) and all that other jazz that 18 year olds experience.

okay again, i've digressed.

so yes, i get to hang out with them for something like 5 days every few months and i've come to the (sad? stark?) realization that i much, much prefer their company to you know, the real world. this doesn't include my inner circle, of course, because we often behave like we're still 16 and especially when we're together but this applies more to... everyone else.

this speaks volumes about me and my maturity, i'm sure. but i believe it speaks more about my innate escapism, something i've always suffered from, something i think i will always afflict me.

as i get older, i find this to be all the more true. i like talking to teenagers because i yearn for that life, and not so much so of youth, but of a life that had simpler issues. i yearn for the problems that plague them, for the comparatively simple things that make them tick, that make them happy.

i've really come to abhor the state of adulthood, of the people that i've met, of the people that i'm meeting, of the people that i've always known but am only now really starting to know.

as it is, i'm fully aware that i live in a suspended version of reality. but as the cracks start to show, all i want to do is run and hide under my toadstool and wait for the dark clouds to pass. as i make like truman and sail closer and closer to the wall of sky, i just want to turn around and paddle back towards safety, even if safety is ignorance.

like i said, escapism. one of my greater afflictions.

i don't know. having to deal with repercussions of other people's stupidity and incompetence is no fucking fun. having to witness persistently vile absurdity is downright shitty. having to watch someone that i hold near and dear drain themselves dry for and because of the people around them makes me ill, ill, ill.

oh adulthood. go away and don't come back.

Monday, February 16, 2015

blue ain't got no clues

feelin' the monday blues too, bubble blowing lady? 

i'm looking forward to the short work week and the celebratory new year season ahead. the new year will be amehhhzing, right? unbleatable, would you say? i refuse to be sheepish about these puns. i'm going to unabaaaahhhshedly goat all out. 

i'll stop.

()

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

i miss yestomorrow

I've always been too nostalgic. Too much reverence for the past. I wouldn't say I “live” in the past, because I definitely take in each present moment and try to enjoy every experience given to me… but my mind always wanders back. That’s natural though, right? The past is what we know, so of course that’s where our thoughts would go? 
I guess to a certain extent, I do live too much in, or for, the past. And then, I let the way I see the future be affected by that. I'm afraid of the past becoming further and further, of losing “the past”. I need to stop this. Wasn't the “past” you grip on so tightly to, at some point a “future”. Be nostalgic, for what’s ahead. 
Don’t give too much weight to what has preceded, that would imply you’re nearing or at the end. We are only just beginning.  -  I Miss Tomorrow 

 timely, so timely.

i guess for me, it's always timely. because i'm perpetually stuck in a state of (sickening, at this point) nostalgia. always pining for a time that has passed, always glorifying what was, always looking back with rose tinted glasses.

i want to want the future, and i do, but i have to let myself go.

Saturday, January 3, 2015

yoga or noga

on new year's resolutions:
v: guys, do you think i'll enjoy yoga?
everyone (like, 4 different people who weren't privy to each other's answers): ...no.
v: whhhhyyy
everyone: because it's boring. and tiring. two of the things you hate most. 
v:
..........
damn my friends and their total lack of confidence in me/ completely accurate predictions.

Friday, December 26, 2014

roastin'

{ although it's been said many times, many ways 
merry christmas to you }